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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - 1997

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - 1997

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is the sequel to the 1995’s box office hit Mortal Kombat. Yeah, it was a hit that opened with a $23 million-dollar weekend and finished with a $122 worldwide box office gross. So, you know that the sequel was made for the art and the story and not for the money. The story is people fight in front of green screens and their stunt doubles don’t get the “praise” the “stars” do.

The movie opens with the theme song everyone loves from the first one. But don’t worry if you really want to hear this song more than just during the opening because they are ready to deliver… wait they don’t use it again? What big executive in New Line Cinema gave the filmmakers the note that said “Less awesome music theme”?

Even though the good guys won the tournament in the last movie (don’t worry if you forgot: they give you a quick recap of the first one), Shao Kahn has come to conquer the earth. Along with various bad guys, he brings a horrible green screen and floating “CGI” energy blasts. It’s flat out terrifying. He fights with Rayden with an epic jumping and jumping cut scenes. Rayden fails and Johnny Cage pays the price with his life. You know, the best actor of the original aside from Liu Kang. They recast Sonya from a card board cut-out to a moving sticker, but they killed the best actor… We are off to a great start. Quick side note; they travel to the center of the Earth on American Gladiator hamster balls. MORTAL KOMBAT!! That song is so good.

Despite this movie coming out two years later, the ninja costumes for Sub Zero and Scorpion look like kid’s Halloween costumes they stole from Party City (not a sponsor… but if one of you knows the person in charge of sponsoring movie blogs that three people read, can you forward me their info? Movie tickets are expensive and things are getting rough). Party City, the city you go for when you have a party. I think that’s the slogan…  tell them I can always edit the posts and updated it with the real slogan. MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!

I forgot to mention they brought in the ninja robots this time around, Smoke and Cyrax. I love how their, um, robots have spandex on and their thighs and arms jiggle as if they were humans. I mean they are clearly robots no doubt about it. I guess the Outworld technology is so advance that they developed a silicone material that jiggles like flesh does… like Westworld. Westworld is so good, that ending my god it got me so pumped for the second season. MORTAL KOMBAT!!! Panananana ananana annanan!

I guess when the casting director picked out their lineup of bad guys they search high and low… more low than anything for their perfect actors. They had to fit the following criteria: 1) they must have the worst line delivery humanly possible and 2) they need to awkwardly pose in front of the camera trying to look intimidating. It’s like they sounded a horn and called out for the over-actors to assemble. MO-MO-Mo-MOOOOOORTAL KOMBAT!!!

There is a straight up mud fight between two women in this movie. They fight in the mud and one has a white t-shirt on. Jax tells Sonya “You look good in mud.”. I guess 1997 isn’t as progressive as we thought. Mortal Kombat?

I could not confirm it through my one Google search, but I believe M. Night Shyamalan helped write the script. At the beginning of the third act it’s revealed that Kahn is the brother of Rayden and the dude in the cape is the father of both. Who saw that coming? I sure didn’t. You know what this means!? It means that all this time… everything leading up to this…  MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!

Rayden dies at the hands of his brother, yeah, his brother… I know, I’m still catching my breath from that reveal. His death motivates the team and they are ready to fight against Kahn and his gang of over-actors in an epic battle of 90’s CGI, green screen and jumping. They jump like crazy here, they jump more than Kris Kross… for those who didn’t get that one you are way too young and you are making me feel bad… for those who got that one I’m sorry for the crappy joke but you know that song is now stuck in your head. Jump up and get MORTAL KOMBAT!!

So, I’ll be honest, the fight scenes so far, well, they haven’t been all that great. But they are entertaining and those stunt doubles know how to jump. But they decided to do this:

Wait! The music is back for the last battle! AHHH MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!! Pananana annanana nanan MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!! Link below so you can dance along.

Liu wins and everything instantaneously returns to normal. No consequences, not even the grass they stepped on has footprints on it. They revive Rayden and make him into an Elder God… yeah there are Elder Gods. I forgot to mention that. So, if everything returned to normal that means Johnny Cage is alive and he will make a cameo appearance in the end. What, the credits? Where the hell is Cage!? How dare they? And the credit music is not the theme music? It’s like they don’t know what they had in their hands. Party City is why I love movies.

Mortal Kombat is currently streaming on Netflix. I bet Party City has a very reasonable price on their Johnny Cage costumes.

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The Mummy - 2017

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