High Voltage - 1997
Future Congressman of the beautiful state of California, Antonio Sabato Jr., stars in High Voltage. Former star of General Hospital and My Antonio… - you know the show where women compete for the honor of his “love” - recently announced he is running for Congress. My duty as a voter (even though I’m not in California) is to do my research on the candidates. Since Congresswoman Julia Brownley never stared in an action film (boring), I decided I would start with Congressman Sabato Jr.
The plot is simple and straight forward: a gang of bank robbers try to rob a bank that happens to be a drop point for the Vietnamese Mafia… I guess they couldn’t afford the higher-end Asian Mafias.
Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr first words in this movie as he swivels from his chair, puts down his drawing pad, takes a long drag of his cigarette and says; “This is America Baby, everybody steals”. Ok, so right off the bat I see a red flag. I know this is acting but how can a future Congressman of our great and proud nation throw that negative blanket statement about the American people. It’s such a shame. I had high hopes for the star of The Bold and the Beautiful and Little Women, Big Cars I/II, but I’ll continue with my review in hopes that this great politician redeems himself.
We find out that this is Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr’s gang and they are planning a bank heist in the darkest studio, I mean pool bar, ever in cinema history. This sequence is edited so fast, it goes from them discussing the plan to very loud cowboy music playing over cars driving down the highway and the plan being executed. The filmmakers clearly saw a Tarantino movie and thought to themselves, “yeah, I can do the poor man’s version of that.”
This bank vault is stacked. Jammed packed with money. I can only assume Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr. loaned the money to the production team, so they can have a realistic looking bank vault. Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr. is so smart that he immediately recognizes that this bank is a drop for the mafia and tries to get away in time. OK, this is more like it. This intuition and high level IQ is what we need in politics. We need a person that can solve complex problems and get out of trouble when caught in a scandal.
But he is too late and the Vietnamese mafia comes in GUNS BLAZING, shooting everything in sight. They don’t care if you are a customer or an employee, they came to shoot and shoot they will. But don’t worry - Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr.’s is a master of double fisting… guns and shooting them with accuracy. He double-fisted while flying in the air, double-fisted while hiding behind furniture and double-fisted while crawling through the floor. Thanks to his double-fisting ways they can escape.
Ok, I have a theory that the Vietnamese mafia also runs the entire franchise of Sunglass Hut. All of them have amazing sunglasses. From the worker bees, to the right-hand man, to the main boss, all are rocking them glasses. The main boss has tiny circular sunglasses, bright red extra-large scarf (that he uses to kill a man) and a white stripe of hair. Simply iconic character design, this is what I’m going to dress as when the next High Voltage Con rolls through my city.
The mafia tracks the gang down, but they bring a single fist to a double fist party. Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr. mows down the assailants using his trademark move. I named it Kick Something to catapult himself and Double Fist Two Guns in the Air move. I know it’s a long-winded name for a move, but the results speak for themselves. They clean their apartment and go on the run. They know now that the mafia is after them. Side note; boss man now with a long silver scarf gets the bad news that the gang escaped and uses his scarf to threaten the messenger. Never have I ever feared a fashion accessory more than I fear a scarf now.
We get a JOHNNY LAWRENCE SIGHTING, this is not a drill, JOHNNY LAWRENCE, aka Karate Kid’s “bad guy” (I believe he is the victim of that movie). Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr’s turns to him for help because, see, he is a good guy. Where the hell is Daniel San in all of this? I’ll tell you - probably tormenting another true martial artist or waxing off somewhere. He now goes by the alias of Bulldog, because his good name has been slandered. It makes me sick how the public just praises Daniel San and his highly illegal crane kick. THE RULES STATE NO STRIKES TO THE FACE, HE CLEARLY KICKS HIM TO THE FACE! How did this win him the trophy? There has been a collusion from the very start against the defending champ Johnny. I bet mthe $15.00 I have in my savings account that Johnny won it the year before without a single strike to the face. This is clear evidence that Mister Miyagi paid off the judges.
Wait, the movie… quick recap of what you guys missed while I was unmasking the lies of Daniel San and his dictator and black magic practitioner Mister Miyagi. Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr’s joins forces with a bank employee and convinces the crew that the only way out of this mess is to steal the money they didn’t steal in the first place. Yeah, that brilliant strategic mind is what has been missing in our politics. When you are being hunted down for trying to steal money, the only way to get back at them is by stealing the money. Speechless at the level of intelligence.
I should address something before I move on to the ending. One of the gang members dies during a bar fight that included the bad guy from Revenge of the Nerds. I think this is a 1980’s bad guy reunion. So, he was going to get married to the lady of the gang. They have a wedding ceremony with the dead corpse of the gang member while holding a priest at gunpoint. I was hoping they would get a honeymoon too. They would go full Weekend at Bernie’s, and maybe even raunchier. But I bet Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr. vetoed that idea. We need a leader that knows where the line is.
They go to a hotel where a 90-year-old body builder is working on his boxing skills. He turns out to be Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr’s uncle. This is just a brief insight into how our leader will look when he is older. You want a strong, juvenile looking Congressman when he gets up there in age. The mafia tracks the gang to the hotel and thank god it was already under renovation because they have come to destroy this place.
Ok, so to shorten the review, this is what happens in the end: Uses his move again, rips off his shirt and fights all sweaty and glossy, bad guy gets killed by Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr., and Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr. gives his uncle a portion of the money they stole so he can finish the hotel renovations.
High Voltage is jammed packed with both action and leadership skills that can be used as a highlight reel on Future Congressman Antonio Sabato Jr’s campaign. I haven’t yet scratched the surface of his resume that also includes titles such as Rebel Highway, Shark Hunter, Wasabi Tuna and Bad Girl Island. I can only assume he shines in them as well. Movies can be a window into our future leaders and that’s why I love movies.
High Voltage is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. It’s your civic duty to watch it.
If you like this review let me know in the comment section down below. Also, follow me over at Twitter (@yILovemovies) or over on Facebook, so you can be up to date with all my reviews.