Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance - 2015
Joe Marshall (Samurai Cop) and his partner Frank Washington are back! 25 years after the last time we saw them take down the Katana. With all the familiar faces returning and adding the legendary Tommy Wiseau, (The Room) this sequel manages to top the original… I think. I’m still very confused as to what I just watched. So, let’s just jump in to this movie.
This movie starts right after the first one ends back in 1991, despite the age difference clearly showing in every single wrinkle that lives in Samurai Cop’s face. He is with his girl sitting by the lake and a kid runs up to them. The kid is the best worst actor ever because he is acting in the movie as a brother looking for his sister, but we learn that he was faking it to distract Samurai Cop so he can kill his girl (Yeah follow that sentence). Samurai Cop gives the greatest “NOOOOooOOooo”, that put George Lucas to shame.
So, this story is about how Samurai Cop is the chosen one and the Katana knows he the only one who can stop them. Bi Ling’s performance cannot be considered kosher, because she is hamming up every single line. The Katana attack a club of their rival gang and kill the leader. Her disciples lean next to her as she dies and they scream at the top of their lungs that they will avenge her. Apparently the first thing you lose when you are dying is your hearing, because they made sure she heard them. Fun fact: they never come back to this plot point again, so death lady never was avenged.
Frank Washington is on the case because nobody knows Asian culture like he does, actual line from the movie. He follows the medallion trail all the way to Samurai Cop. Apparently, he retired and started a medallion making business. I hear there is good money in that business. After some convincing they finally join forces. During the plane ride they encounter my favorite part of the first movie, the flamboyantly gay waiter, who is now a flight attendant. After two explosions inside the plane and a fight scene - or a music video (honestly don’t know)- the plane lands safely. Fun fact: Frank doesn’t know what a chain is. As he is walking inside of Samurai Cop’s lair he touches a chain and asks out-loud “What is this?”. Probably not part of Asian culture.
We finally get to see Tommy Wiseau’s character and he plays the son of someone who was murdered, I think… do you care? Tommy draws from his The Room acting repertoire to cry/destroy a room. While he is crying, and screaming for some reason, he is also praying. Fun fact: during this entire scene, there is a woman sitting in the room just watching him destroy it. Never says anything and I don’t think she ever shows up again.
So, for the sake of my sanity I’m going to group all the dream sequences, because there were way too many. For some fucking reason the second half of this movie is filled with dream sequences that are part Samurai Cop watching himself, watching TV and being in the TV acting in a movie… I think. Fun fact: in the original movie, there is a famous scene of him in a speedo and his girl in a bikini at the beach. They decided to shoot a scene of the actors today (old) of them in the same wardrobe, only to immediately cut to flashbacks of the original movie. Why? For some reason, it gave me a “Viagra Commercial” vibe.
Tommy Wiseau forces a man to commit Seppuku (Samurai honor suicide), while excessive fog fills the room and Tommy yells nonsense. Fun fact: this movie is breaking me.
The new love interest I forgot to mention has short black hair. But at the Katana party that Samurai Cop crashes, she shows up with long blonde hair. After another music video breaks out, I mean fight, we get another scene of her in short black hair. Samurai Cop doesn’t question it at all. I think he understands the struggle, since he had his own hair problems in the first movie.
Skipping a shit-ton ahead - I have to, my doctor is forcing me - Samurai Cop gets to “The Complex”. He needs to fight his way through dozens of bad guys and you know what that means: MUSIC. So many different types of music, I mean fight scenes, throughout his journey up each level in the complex. Fun fact: one of the fights is against one of the screaming disciples of the death lady. This confused the hell out of me. This place belongs to the people that killed his master, why is he there? Why do I care?
He finally makes it all the way up to Tommy. Tommy looks at Samurai and says; “there is no room for all” yes! I mean, What? I don’t know what he means by that… Nevermind, we are almost done. I have to be honest here, I got dizzy watching this sequence. They kept spinning and spinning around each other as they talked. I was already one my fourth beer and my room also started spinning. I soldiered on, because I know that’s what Samurai Cop would’ve wanted. The fight kind of sucked and it was over quickly. Fun fact: Even though Tommy looks like the grandfather of Samurai Cop, it is revealed he was the kid in the beginning that killed his wife. MIND BLOWN!!! I think… Oh, before I forget the love interest was Tommy’s sister. As Samurai Cop walks away, we see her kissing Tommy on the lips. OK? Ok.
Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance is the weirdest music video I have ever seen, but I got to see Tommy Wiseau dressed up as a Samurai and that’s why I love movies.
Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, it’s the new MTV I guess.
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