Samurai Cop - 1991
Joe Marshall and Frank Washington are two police detectives who must stop the ruthless activities of the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles. This plot summary was pasted from its IMDb page, but they left a huge critical information out, Joe Marshal (a white, super muscular man) is known as the samurai cop, because he trained for years in Japan under the best martial arts experts and oh yeah, he is fluent in Japanese (event though he never speaks a single word of it in the movie). So, you understand why I was pumped to see this movie.
This movie has everything a fan of action movies could ever want, from car chases, to shoot outs and sword fights. But not every movie is perfect and Samurai Cop is no different so let me point out a few things (minor) that I noticed first, this way we can get it out of the way and focus on the great stuff this movie did.
The music throughout this entire movie feels like someone brought a tape recorder to the nearest arcade and taped all the music from the video games. While we see scenes filled with blood and gore, we hear Battletoad music playing over them, completely taking you out of the flow of the scenes.
The editing is so all over the place, jumping from scene to scene without any rhyme or rhythm. There is a moment in this movie where we see our hero jump down from a roof top to shoot dead a bad guy and we get a fast cut to a scene of the main bad guy having sex. This movie doesn’t let the audience digest a single scene before having them jump to the next.
Joe Marshall, our hero, has long and beautiful hair (well depending on the scene we are looking at). There are scenes in where you can clearly see he is wearing a wig and other scenes where he is rocking his long beautiful hair. Throughout the entire movie, we see sequences where it starts with him wearing wig it cuts to another scene with him and his normal hair and ends with him wearing a wig. The logistics behind the filming of the wig/natural hair scenes would make for a great documentary all by itself. There is a scene where during an intense and realistic fight, we see the wig fall off his head... why didn't the director cut right before that happened?
Ok, one second let me Google something:
Well I guess I didn’t watch a soft-core porn after all. This movie has more than six awkward sex scenes, with our Hero is wearing a bikini underwear and I guess you can call it kissing what he does to the woman’s faces. He goes through the entire movie hitting on every single woman he comes across, with only one not falling on top of him, because she wants a jumbo size penis… that’s an actual line from the movie. During this sequence his partner is just a sequence of close-up of him smiling and making weird reacting faces to what is happening around him or to him.
As we reach the end sequence we finally get what the entire movie has been building up too… the two most bad-ass martial artist going head to head in a fight to the death. We get the white guy with long hair and no facial hair vs white guy with long hair and facial hair, as both put their samurai skills to the test.
That actor that played the waiter is why I love movies.
Samurai Cop is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, watch it if you want more plot and fight scenes in your soft-core porn movies.
If you like this review let me know over at Twitter (@yILovemovies) so you can be up to date with all my reviews.